How a Housekeeper Helps a Marriage

Everyone knows it takes work to have a good marriage, although it isn't always enough. If you want to put your marriage through a potentially life-long series of high pressure life changing situations with no end in sight and see how it comes out, the foreign service is a good option. There's nothing that says "uh, do I love you?" like dragging a spouse plus or minus kids (aka EFMs, eligible family members) off to a foreign developing country where there isn't even the retail therapy afforded by Target or Williams Sonoma, and leaving him/her to figure out what to do with themselves while the person who counts (the Direct Hire) gets on with their career. I actually have started another post on the brutally honest aspects of this, but I'm going to leave it... it's a soft underbelly that all of us out here have but - at least us USG types - don't really talk about.

Let me instead expand upon one of the clear marriage advantages of settling into a developing country. And that is, The Housekeeper.

Working moms the world over have the same problem. Feminism be d----ed, you know that when it gets down to it, even when your man is useful in the kitchen or occasionally helpful with other things, he never does enough. I will not go into detail, as my dear hubby is one of my few faithful readers and I would hate to run him off, but working wife/mother people out there can probably hear what I'm saying from my soapbox without me having to put it in black and white.

BUT, friends, with the miracle Housekeeper installed, like magic, all you have to work out between you is dinner and kids (and you don't have to do those, either, if you get a cook and a nanny, it's a personal preference thing though, we like cooking and we often like our kid). Suddenly, your lot in domestic life might seem like a fair trade off for his normal level of effort.

Not only this, but your sense of unity increases. Now, in the same tradition used by great military leaders over the centuries, you have a common enemy. When items in your sparkling clean kitchen are put away in the wrong place, or you can't find your shoes, or the light is left on in the hallway... It is always the Housekeeper's fault! You mutter to each other and address issues with her to no avail, but at least you are not turning your pet-peeve venom on your spouse.

This, dear USAID and missionary types, is the distinct advantage we have over those swanky, dry-martini-drinking, coat-and-tie-wearing, "our next post is Rome"-spewing  State Department rats colleagues.

Have fun with your fine local wine, high quality cheese and delightfully edible meat. But when you are done eating, you guys have to bicker over who is doing the dishes.